Friday, September 20, 2002
just got home from siloso beach and dinner at kenny roge. -beamms- today was fabulous!!! to all who made this exciting day possible and marvellous [char.charl.joe.ling.na.pei.ping.ser.desmond] love all you guys! anyways i really enjoyed myself though i felt really uncomfortable and unwell and everythin. -sighs- tomms' my doom day. so im goin for my check-up and im really afraid i'll get positive-op results. i really am scared. if I gotta go for the op, I'm not goin for it. like what i did to joe today when i asked her to pretend to be the doc and say, "im sorry to tell you that your heart has really weakened terribly and you need to go for the op.", im goin to just point my third finger at the doc and say, "pharq you lars".hahas. im serious. really. and if the doc tells me im well and all, which is highly not possible, i'll hug her soOooOo tightly! but for now, im just scared. you will never be able to imagine how many times that word ran through my mind today. i'll have lil bearbear with me. yeps. he'll be there with me. -nods- he'll be with me everywhere! i love him love him love him. lots. lots. lots. babie, you're my one and only -huggies-
bitinn` awayy at 10:19 AM
Thursday, September 19, 2002
=> -smiles- i love today. i love my dear. i love you babie!!! -hugs u tite tite- not lettin you go. never. =)
i changed my point of view today after talking to joe. im not gonna be afraid. i know i dont have the power to change what's gonna come. what's meant to be will be. til that day, i'll really live like no tomorrow and be so excited bout goin to heaven. i'll be seeing God face to face!!! then i'll be in heavenly paradise and enjoying philedaphia butter on a cloud! lols. though i really dislike butter... =/ but i guess anything in heaven will taste wonderful? yeps. then maybe i can go up there and ask God if i could be an angel. then i'd want a pair of glittery wings and a nice halo.and i wanna take care of all my friends on earth. yep. then maybe i wont be missing them so much. -bittersweet smile-
bitinn` awayy at 7:17 AM
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
thanks yangs. yeps. companionship. -smiles-
bitinn` awayy at 7:15 AM
[[lynnette]] thank you chocs. ='>
thank you for lending me your shoulders to cry on.
thank you for being there when i needed someone.
thank you for understanding.
thank you for your assuring hugs.
thank you for telling me you love me ='>
-runs to you and hugs u realli tite hopin my tears dont fall again-
i'll watch you from heaven when im gone.
i promise you i will.
iloveu
if i went to heaven and God asks for my last wish,
i'll pause to look for you
and if i see you cryin
i'll say,
"Lord, gif me a min to hug my friend"
[[char.ng]] l really appreciate that sweet note from you.
-wipes away my tears-
it came along with a flickering flame
and it warmed my heart.
thankyou.
-huggies-
[[jo]] im glad you still kept the tubbie. if writing you notes make you happy,
i'll write to you everyday,
because i wont be able to do that for long.
and you're not useless. really.
you made me feel a lil better.
take care of your broken feet kies?
luf ya dear
[[vern]] "i-heart-u. smile." this you wrote on my pinafore
i'll remember.
you looked really funny dancing ballet around the class
thanks for wiping my tears away.
thankyou ='>
((will you wipe that away for me too, puh-lease?))
[[yings]] crying is tiring. really.
sighs. -huggies-
ai ni.
i live like life craves for forever
cuz im dying a little bit everyday
fear never lets me sleep
fear locks me up inside
keeping me from my happy ending
keeping me from my prince charming
im dying a little bit everyday.
bitinn` awayy at 5:03 AM
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
i remember
when i was still a kid
and learnt how to play a song on piano
and you were the first i played for
you smiled at me and clapped
but now
when i play the piano
i play it to the four walls
and no one ever thinks im good at it
i remember
when i was still a kid
and didnt know how to subtract
and didnt know how to spell
you taught me so very patiently
but now
when i don't know my work
the tutor screams at me
and i always compared him with you
i remember
when i was still a kid
and didnt know how to get home
and didnt know where i lived
you drove me home from school everyday
but now
when i'm dismissed from school
the stranger drives me home
and i looked at him wondering,
"how nice if that was kor"
i remember
when i was still a kid
and i was an autistic child
and no one at child care played with me
you helped me reach out to the world
but now
when no friends wanted to play with me
i curl myself up in that corner
and doubted i could ever be a part of them
i remember
when i was still a kid
and felt bitter and sour
and cried in the darkest of nights
you held me and whispered,
"hush now. it's ok," smoothin my hair
but now
when i'm heartbroken and hurt
i snuggle myself under the quilt
and cry myself to sleep at night
i remember
when i was still a kid
and we'd go out on your birthdays
and you'd order two cups of strawberry icecream
you competed with me who'd finish it up first
but now
when it was your birthday yesterday
i sat at home with two cups of strawberry icecream
and waited for the bell to ring
but it's never you. it never was
i remember
you promised you'd buy me a new pair of blades
if i was a good girl
you promised you'd come home for dinner
if you had the time
you promised you'd catch me dragonflies
if you ever saw one
have you forgotten all those?
have i not been a good girl?
have you been really busy?
have you not seen a dragonfly?
have you forgotten you've a sis?
have you forgotten me her?
six years is a really long time.
i wont blame you if you'd forgotten.
i miss you bro... i miss you...
i need you to hold me, smooth my hair
and tell me, "hush now, it's ok."
as i cry myself to sleep every night
with a broken heart and shattered tears
bitinn` awayy at 4:13 AM
Monday, September 16, 2002
bitinn` awayy at 8:07 AM
i simply can stand egotistical people. they drive me on my nerves. yes, they do. i mean they just outrightly diss you just cuz think they are always greater. im so pist. really am. so she thinks she is that great and i'm not as wonderful as she is. hahs. whatever mens shallow superficial being. at least i still treat you as a being. rejoice in that mens. you turn me off.
[[guy]] hahas. am sorry. i just like calling you guy. ^5 bud! we share the same thoughts. like hahas. we could actually say the same word together after looking at the sms. like cool! erm it's kinda hard to type when you're looking........((josh's turnin away))....................... thanks. hahas. it's so fun to have you to talk to. we share the same sentiments to so many things esp the above mentioned. hahas! but sad... you're goin away soon. til then, i'll spend my evenings with ya bud! you're really fun to chat with. =)
[[yings]] thanks so much for this afternoon! it'd been fun and giggly. i enjoyed myself tons. really. -huggs- i managed to do so much work -grinns- we're the "zhuai" duo!!! hahas. luf ya lots girl!
bitinn` awayy at 5:01 AM
Sunday, September 15, 2002
I think of you, you're half a world away
I close my eyes, wishing you could have stayed
We fade now I'm left, with an emptiness I can't stand
There's an old piece of me, I know will never mend
I miss you so bad tonight
You were the one
Who loved me and held me and tried
In every way, I miss you so bad tonight
Where do I go, when I am so alone?
Who will touch my hair, and take this pain away?
I don't want to talk;
I just want someone who knows me
But that's you, and you're gone
When you were here,
I just couldn't see
That I miss you so bad tonight
I still hope that, there's a chance
For you and I, somewhere someday
These are the things I've wanted to say
But how could I, when I sent you away?
I miss you so bad tonight
You were the one
Who loved me and saved me and tried
In every way, I miss you so bad tonight
this song is simply tear-jerkin. sighs. makes me cry.
bitinn` awayy at 7:23 AM
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