Saturday, October 26, 2002
The minute I closed my eyes shut, I saw her. She was four. No, she was ten. No. She was fifteen, bent over in pain, covering her swollen black-and-blue eyes. She was terrified. She was kicking and screaming. She was trying to get away. From whom? What was she running away from now? No. She was fighting back. She was angry. I was having trouble breathing. No. She was having trouble breathing. She was dead. No. She was alive, fighting for her life. I was the object of her attack. I squeezed my eyes shut. My teeth were clenched. My fists were clenched. I was waiting for the blow. Before it came, I could feel the pain, the fear, and the terror. I could feel the scream rise up in my body. The memory of another prayer at another time. Other blows, brutal blows, at other times. The reasons for the blows still a mystery. A history of not wanting to live. My Her history.
bitinn` awayy at 9:05 AM
you'll get there someday
by and by
mom, iloveu. -tearrs-
pherd, thanks for being there for me. for understanding. for everything.
bitinn` awayy at 6:01 AM
Friday, October 25, 2002
yeay! was supposed to go to rei's house to stayover, but, well, grr, mum aint in good mood today mens. but look, this is so cool, in exchange God is letting me go for bible study class now with my cousin! oh yeay men!
jewell, see, today what i was telling you today sheparding you? -winkks- ai ni ok? remember, we're serving together, we're in this together. and we're making our stands firm together. im not leaving you alone. neither are you goin to leave me alone okie? -huggies- trials and temptations? hahas. sneer at the two words. we've the courage yea?
bitinn` awayy at 4:25 AM
Thursday, October 24, 2002
seeking you as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'd be a fool
yeay! i feel so psyched up about breaking a new cg!!! esp after today. guess what. ive all my goals and plans out! alrites mens. like yeay! and i really found out some stuff bout myself through pherd. talking to her is always great! -thumbs up!- luf ya pherd! i'll change all the stupid and crazy things im doing presently k pherd? promise. i wont be such an unyielding oak anymore mens. im determined to changed. -sets my feet firm on the ground- and hmns... thought bout your advice. i wont interfere. yea. wont. can you see your sheep here making her stand? -grinns-
and now im all so excited about foodfiesta tomms! lalas! drama... and i'll be acting! hiaks! when i dont even know what my lines are. great! hahas. impromptu. well, i'd be a fool. For Him.
bitinn` awayy at 7:58 AM
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
Congratulations, you're a Pillywiggin, a trouping flower fae.
What kind of female faerie are you?
Take the female faerie quizby Paradox
bitinn` awayy at 7:18 AM
today at school sucked beeg time. pherd and valtoh didnt come to school just cuz of a pair of white school shoes? -growls- and i can't seem to even get along with any of the humanities teachers. it was just a walk to the toilet. darn. wudder hell. and that just threw me into the cages of hell. got a lecture in front of the whole sec three cohort. wells, am really glad fiona screamed at ms tan shu wei. maybe not glad. but hell, its so unfair! like fiona had to make a public apology just to get tan shu wei outta that embarrassement? well, im not surprised why she was embarrassed. oh, that sounds like what she "said" to me, "and why am i not surprised you were not in here with the rest?" grr. sarcasm. that's a part of it. only. dislike her. ever since she started picking on me from the first lesson of ss class in term one. but hell, i thought i neednt "acquaint" with her anymore after term two. to think she still cant stop finding faults with me. oh, did i mention she is so fake? like shout at fiona then put her arms around her the next minute? oh, faker.
bitinn` awayy at 7:01 AM
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
When Leoardo da Vinci was creating the Last Supper, he encountered a serious problem: he had to depict Good - in the person of Jesus - and Evil - in the figure of Judas, the friend who resolves to betray Him during the meal. He stopped work on the painting until he could find his ideal models.
One day when he was listening to a choir, he saw one of the boys the perfect image of Christ. He invited him to his studio and made sketches and studies of his face.
Three years went by. The Last Supper was almost complete, but Leonardo had still not found the perfect model for Judas. The cardinal responsible for the church started to put pressure on him to finish the mural. After many days spent vainly searching, the artist came across a prematurely aged youth, in rags and lying drunk in the gutter. With some difficulty, he persuaded his assistants to bring the fellow directly to the church, since there was no time to make preliminary sketches.
The beggar was taken there, not quite understanding what was going on. He was propped up by Leonardo's assistants, while Leornardo copied the lines of impiety, sin and egotism so clearly etched on his features. When he had finished, the beggar, who had sobered up slightly, opened his eyes and saw the picture before him. With a mixture of horror and sadness he said:
"I've seen that picture before!"
"When?" asked an astonished Leonardo.
"Three years ago, before i lost everything i had, at the time when i used to sing in a choir and my life was full of dreams. The artist asked me to pose as the model for the face of Jesus."
-ripped off a book i was reading some time back. well... Good and Evil have the same face. it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being.
bitinn` awayy at 5:11 AM
I just realised there were two things that prevent us from achieving our dreams: believing them to be impossible or seeing those dreams made possible by some sudden turn of the wheel of fortune, when you least expected it. For at the moment, all our fears suddenly surface: the fear of setting off along a road heading who knows where, the fear of a life full of challenges, the fear of losing forever everything that is familiar.
People want to change everything and, at the same time, want it all to remain the same. I did not immediately understand why, but that is what's happening to me.
bitinn` awayy at 4:57 AM
it's no longer me or you
it's us
went out with piggy today. -grinns- a piggy that has slow reactions to everything. hahas! it's been a great day out. really. thank you piggy! -muahs-
bitinn` awayy at 4:51 AM
What Pattern Are You?
bitinn` awayy at 4:39 AM
Sunday, October 20, 2002
am glad you accepted Christ. =) 211002... happy birthday newborn in Christ. -smiles-
bitinn` awayy at 9:22 AM
hahas! sheep you're so kewt. -makes a face-
bitinn` awayy at 6:16 AM
im eating my breakfast. hahas. yea. it's 3.40pm. but oh wells, this is my first meal of the day! -grinns- slept for a cool whole 13hours. well... pherd, if you're reading this, ive two words for you : a n o i n t i n g flows! hahas! had a really sweet dream too. again. wonder what's getting into me. having so many sweet dreams recently. hehes. well, dreamt of that drummer. again. seems as though my dreams come in episodes to from a serial. but the dream was pretty messy. or rather, i cant really remember the sequence. hehes. yummies. i like mushrooms. uh huhs. sheesh mans, im still suffering from the hyperness since yesterday's service. -screams- nowe im bored, but im feeling so energetic and active. i need to call someone... rei's not picking up the phone! grr... well, ive Josh to call. hehes... ok... two more hours before josh will be back home. argh. i need to go blading with him later! or just find something to do over at his place or at the park or go out. i just have to kill my boredom. perhaps i'll just go and climb over his gate now and grab his blades out and skate off. hahas! or perhaps i could call the c.t.v.r punkies out to bring me skate-boarding... bahs. =/ i wanna learn howta deal with that blardie plank on wheels or else they'll be skating down roads when im bladin with josh feeling xtra. brr... all of them are still slping! pigs! i shall just start on the neb webbie mens.
bitinn` awayy at 1:13 AM
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